So this is Christmas - Cue the family time (and hugging, hair-pulling, teeth-gritting, etc. etc.)

I really like my family. I really like my husband's family. Look, I'm not trying to get brownie points right before Christmas (although I'm cool with that). I just really want my family to know I like them before I launch into what I'm about to say.

Family time is awesome. Family time is also a time where you wonder if God created family  as a way to answer your prayers for patience. I mean, when you spend time with the same people, year after year, sometimes they get a little too honest, a little too nosy, a little too opinionated...you get the picture. For me, although I'm a fun-loving, outgoing, confident mama of two little ones, when I get back in my family structure, I somehow sink back into my middle-child syndrome. And my very cool brother and sister can still stoke my temper in a matter of seconds. Seconds, people. It's just too easy.

But for the most part, I don't have anyone I wouldn't want to see during the holidays. No "Cousin Eddie" in my family (you know, the RV nutcase on the classic Christmas  Vacation). However, I know that spending time with certain family--and friends--can often be a challenge, and so I took the opportunity to chat with Jackie Shaw, a licensed therapist and Executive Director of Edmond Family Counseling. She emphasized the need for having realistic expectations when it comes to dealing with some family members. Here's just some of her rock-solid advice that will keep you from drowning your sorrows in the holiday nog... 

•Have a plan. You may have known a family member for some time and are aware of triggers--sensitive areas that are dangerous for you or others.  Be sure to have some “practiced responses” that are neutral, as well as a strategy for exiting the scene, if needed.  Remind yourself that this is for a limited time; knowing there is an end in sight is helpful.

•Put on some extra-thick skin. When a difficult family member lashes out at you, remember that it is not the you in the present he or she is talking about.  In fact, he or she may not be talking about you at all!  Taking comments personally makes you easy prey; if you can manage to not take the barrage personally, you rise above it and are immune.

•If you can't say something nice... Take time to stop and think before you speak. Is it possible to take a “time out” when you feel less than joyous?  Do consider the age, background, health, etc. of your guest or guests. Sometimes just being silent is the greatest gift, and it may save hurt, apologies, and regrets.

And finally, Shaw encourages you to think about why you feel the need to participate in certain family activities and to look at the reasons you may dread doing so. At the end of the day, we should be celebrating this beautiful season and appreciating family as we can. And then we have to let it go.

Because, even if you have a Grinch at your gathering, remember this:

“Every Who down in Who-ville, the tall and the small, was singing!  Without any presents at all!  He HADN’T  stopped Christmas from coming!  IT CAME!  Somehow or other, it came just the same!”