So this is Christmas - Cue the family time (and hugging, hair-pulling, teeth-gritting, etc. etc.)

I really like my family. I really like my husband's family. Look, I'm not trying to get brownie points right before Christmas (although I'm cool with that). I just really want my family to know I like them before I launch into what I'm about to say.

Family time is awesome. Family time is also a time where you wonder if God created family  as a way to answer your prayers for patience. I mean, when you spend time with the same people, year after year, sometimes they get a little too honest, a little too nosy, a little too opinionated...you get the picture. For me, although I'm a fun-loving, outgoing, confident mama of two little ones, when I get back in my family structure, I somehow sink back into my middle-child syndrome. And my very cool brother and sister can still stoke my temper in a matter of seconds. Seconds, people. It's just too easy.

But for the most part, I don't have anyone I wouldn't want to see during the holidays. No "Cousin Eddie" in my family (you know, the RV nutcase on the classic Christmas  Vacation). However, I know that spending time with certain family--and friends--can often be a challenge, and so I took the opportunity to chat with Jackie Shaw, a licensed therapist and Executive Director of Edmond Family Counseling. She emphasized the need for having realistic expectations when it comes to dealing with some family members. Here's just some of her rock-solid advice that will keep you from drowning your sorrows in the holiday nog... 

•Have a plan. You may have known a family member for some time and are aware of triggers--sensitive areas that are dangerous for you or others.  Be sure to have some “practiced responses” that are neutral, as well as a strategy for exiting the scene, if needed.  Remind yourself that this is for a limited time; knowing there is an end in sight is helpful.

•Put on some extra-thick skin. When a difficult family member lashes out at you, remember that it is not the you in the present he or she is talking about.  In fact, he or she may not be talking about you at all!  Taking comments personally makes you easy prey; if you can manage to not take the barrage personally, you rise above it and are immune.

•If you can't say something nice... Take time to stop and think before you speak. Is it possible to take a “time out” when you feel less than joyous?  Do consider the age, background, health, etc. of your guest or guests. Sometimes just being silent is the greatest gift, and it may save hurt, apologies, and regrets.

And finally, Shaw encourages you to think about why you feel the need to participate in certain family activities and to look at the reasons you may dread doing so. At the end of the day, we should be celebrating this beautiful season and appreciating family as we can. And then we have to let it go.

Because, even if you have a Grinch at your gathering, remember this:

“Every Who down in Who-ville, the tall and the small, was singing!  Without any presents at all!  He HADN’T  stopped Christmas from coming!  IT CAME!  Somehow or other, it came just the same!”  

When your home is alone...a few take aways from a classic Christmas movie...

In my last post, I discussed three of my most favorite classic (and funny) Christmas movies. To be honest (and most people think I'm crazy), my most favorite of them all is Home Alone. And you say, "Really?" And I say, "Yes." Nothing gets me more revved up about Christmas than watching Kevin set the traps for the burglars to the dramatic "Carol of the Bells."

I know. Its weird. Whatever.

But something about that movie has stuck with me through the years, and I'm not just talking about the crook "Marv" with a giant tarantula on his face. The thing is, when you travel during the holidays, you've got to make sure your house isn't a sitting duck.

So I had the opportunity to chat with Lewis Long, Vice President of Marketing Communications for ADT. Here's just some of the rock solid advice he gave for those who will be away from home on or around the holidays...


Top tips for keeping your home safe year-around, and especially during the holidays:

• Lock your doors even when you are gone for a brief amount of time. A large percentage of burglaries happen during the day, so homeowners should secure doors and windows every time they leave their home. 
• Be proactive about keeping your home safe by checking smoke alarms and carbon monoxide detectors every month. A quick test of life-safety devices can keep families safe from potential danger. 
• Keep hedges and bushes around your home trimmed, so burglars don’t have places to hide.
• Sign up with 24/7 active monitoring from a security provider to ensure you and your home are safe at all times – whether you're asleep or away from home. In the event of an emergency situation, such as a break-in or fire, your system will immediately notify your security provider and within seconds, the appropriate emergency services will be contacted and dispatched to your home.

 

And a few holiday-specific items:

• Position all holiday trees away from furnaces and doorways so they do not present a hazard in the home.
• Never leave lit candles unattended and consider flameless candles as an alternative.
• Remember that dry holiday trees can become a fire hazard when decorated with holiday lights.  Water your tree daily to keep it properly hydrated and safe.
• Inspect tree lights for damage before hanging them. Also, avoid leaving your tree lights on when the home is vacant, as they could become a fire hazard when overheated.
  
  And finally...

• Be careful about what you post on social media if you are travelling for the holidays.  Burglars can use posts on Twitter or Facebook to determine when you’ll be away.  

Well then! All I have to do is find my pointy Christmas ornaments to put underneath the window. Just kidding. I'll be home for Christmas.

 

This Christmas - Three favorite films with hidden messages

Yes, I'll admit it. I have a problem.
 
I am a Christmas movie-aholic.
 
Give me a little Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer or Frosty the Snowman, and you'll find me teary before you finish singing "So he waved goodbye, saying don't you cry, I'll be back again someday." Classic.
 
But I've got some new favorite Christmas fare, now that I'm a grownup and have learned that the holiday season should be dealt with a degree of humor, if you're going to deal with it at all. So thanks to the talents of Chevy Chase, Macaulay Culkin, and Peter Billingsley (better known as "Ralphie"), I follow up a round of Frosty with cheerful thoughts of 250 strands of lights.
 
If you don't know what the heck I'm talking about, then you need to get your TV watching on this Christmas. Because these three classic holiday movies not only will have you giggling to the tune of "Jingle Bells," but will also bring up some holiday matters of importance.
 
Home Alone - and the cold hard facts about home security. When the mice are away, the cats will play. Or something like that. Anyway, watch the first few minutes of this movie, and even the humor won't shake away those creepy vibes from the soon-to-be villains. The takeaway lesson from this gem is this: when you're leaving your home during the holidays, get serious about security (unless you really have enough toy cars, pointy ornaments, and a tarantula to effectively defend your home, like Kevin does).
 
And be smart! Lewis Long, Vice President of Marking Communications at ADT, says this: "Be careful about what you post on social media if you are travelling for the holidays.  Burglars can use posts on Twitter or Facebook to determine when you’ll be away."
 
A Christmas Story - and the hunt for the perfect toy. My husband had to coerce me into watching this movie all the way through, and even though I threated one episode of Downtown Abbey in return, I had to admit this movie has plenty to like. Also, it reminded me that finding the perfect toy for any kid is not only a challenge, but a task that might take a little outside-the-box thinking.
 
Kids change so fast. I mean, hey, they're kids. But according to Becky Scharf, Director of Stepping Stone Mother's Day Out and Edmond mom of four young children, you can succeed with a little effort. "When selecting a toy for a friend or family member, I try to pick something that is not going to add too much clutter or noise to their house! I also like to pick toys that they won't quickly outgrow and that can be used in different ways or foster imagination and grow with the child."
 
National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation - and finally, what to do with the family member from well, you know... You can't pick your family. You get what you get. But that doesn't always mean you like them all that much. (BTW, I love all of mine...wink, wink.) However, the holidays are the time of year when we are often thrown together with the good, the bad, and sometimes the ugly. Maybe you don't have a cousin "Eddie"; then again, you just might. 
 
What to do with an especially difficult person, who may be staying with you for a few hours or even days? Jackie Shaw, a licensed therapist and Executive Director of Edmond Family Counseling, suggests the following: "Make sure you have realistic expectations and a support system for yourself, both inside and outside of YOU!  When the difficult relative lashes out at you, remember that it is not the you in the present he/she is talking to or about. If you can manage to not take the barrage personally, you rise above it and are immune."

 

Words that have me singing a little more fa-la-la-la-la for sure.

And check out next week's blog for more on holiday security:)

Giving Thanks Part IV: Practically free, priceless ways to tell family you love them

It's Turkey day. Yes, today I will stuff myself silly, because 1) I don't get turkey dinners cooked by my talented mother-in-law (insert brownie points here) everyday, and 2) calories don't count on Thanksgiving. Didn't you know?

And I really enjoy my family. I really, really do. Both my husband's side and mine have endeared themselves over the past several years by loving on my sweet kiddos and helping out when they can, and that just makes me all fuzzy wuzzy inside and on the prowl for the perfect way to thank them for all the loving attention. I mean, jeez, my kids are pretty darn cute, but I've seen how they act with a little refined sugar. That's means I'm very grateful for everyone's help.

So how do I communicate that? Well, with an advanced degree in communication, you'd think I'd just know how to express my thanks perfectly, right? No, I'm much better with delivering helpful information and sometimes even sarcastic humor. But gratitude? There's got a be a perfect way to let someone know it.

So, here are my four, un-scientific methods for telling someone in your family, "Thanks," with no purchase necessary.

Say it. In the next few days, I'll have the opportunity to see a number of my family members. And maybe I'm a better writer than a speaker, but there's nothing wrong with the personal touch of going straight up to a person and telling him or her exactly why you appreciate them. Sometimes, I think it's easy to get caught up on the ways we don't think family members are perfect. And just remembering why you value them, even one single detail, might help you remember that we all have "hard to love" moments.

Write it. Oh yes. All that handwriting practice in grade school can finally come in handy when it comes to delivering a note. Sure, you can send a thank you by email, on Facebook, or even one of those nifty little e-cards. But there is something about getting an envelope with your name on it, either through the mail or at the dinner table, with a note that someone took the time to scribble just for you. And as a bonus, unlike spoken words, written words can be read over and over, remembered time and again.

Show it. As a writer, I'm not so fond of the saying, "A picture's worth a thousand words." I don't actually believe that's true all the time, although, visuals can affect people in deep, emotional ways. That being said, a more unique way to say thanks beyond the common note card would be to dig up a picture from a trip or get-together containing a happy memory of you and a family member. On the back of the picture, write a brief note (that's right, you're not getting out of the writing part!) and tell them why the memory is so special to you.

Do it. Okay, so I said this wouldn't cost anything. Actually, I said these were practically free ideas. So here's where the practically comes in. Time is one of the most valuable things in our society. With the internet, activities, family commitments, work, television, (deep breath), sporting events, Christmas shopping etc. etc., having time to spend one-on-one with a family member comes at a high price. But there is nothing, NOTHING, like giving your time to go do something with a family member--going out to eat, watching a movie, shopping, whatever. Because, at the end of the day, you might discover that the more you give, the more you receive.

And that, my friends, is the spirit of the season.

Giving Thanks Part III - A community that shares together, cares together

It may start to overwhelm you. This is the time of year that charities get super serious about requesting donations for hundreds of worthy causes. And one might think, "Gosh, I'd love to give back. But sheesh, with Christmas coming up...(fill in plausible excuse here)."

But with many of us taking the time to get together with family and friends to celebrate the holidays, our hearts do appear to grow warmer as the temperature grows colder. I mean, who wants to be a scrooge with the words, "God bless us, every one," ringing in our years and songs about the specialness of the season sounding from every radio?

Well, there's no time like the present to take a minute and count your blessings (hey, I mean, it is Thanksgiving next week). Then, with a genuine smile on your face, take a look at the following list--a list of organizations that help out right here in your own community.


For the little ones...Infant Crisis Services. Although located in Oklahoma City, this organization has dropoff points in Edmond. They certainly encourage and accept monetary donations, but if you are "de-babyfying" your house, they also have a wishlist of items you can donate.

For the animal lover...Edmond Animal Welfare. Maybe the thought of committing to a pet for life has you uneasy, or maybe you have room in your heart (and home) for more furry companions. Either way, Edmond Animal Welfare offers residents the chance to help out our furry friends by becoming a foster family or adopting a pet.

For the kiddos...Peppers Ranch. Whether you just want to donate funds to a worthy cause or take on the role of a foster parent, this Edmond organization is committed to helping abused and neglected children by "creating a network of caring foster parents and adult mentors on whom children can depend." Also in Edmond is the Boys Ranch Town, run by Oklahoma Baptist Homes for Children.

For education...your local college. Whether you are an alumni or not, giving back to a state university like UCO, OSU, and OU gives students with good grades and low funds the opportunity to continue their educations. And believe me, with the number of phone calls I get from my Alma maters, a school is not gonna turn anything down! (Really, you can find an opportunity to give to any college by typing in a college name and the word "give.")

For disaster relief...the American Red Cross. We just witnessed the amazing way in which our state pulls together following crises like the tornadoes that hit in Moore and across Oklahoma City this past spring. Giving money to the local Red Cross chapter helps you give back to an organization that does so much for the people facing the loss of their homes and businesses. Other organizations that assisted with disaster relief this past spring are listed here, and giving to them now helps them respond quickly and aggressively to future events.

So, what are you waiting for? What am I waiting for? And if you are short on money, opportunities abound to share your time at church, school, local nonprofits, etc., etc. So show your thanks, don't just say it. Actions speak louder than words.

Giving Thanks Part II - Giving to yourself (and your community) by patronizing local business

I don't know if you've driven down Broadway lately, but there's something about living in a town with such a vibrant array of small businesses. Not many cities have a bustling "old town" charm anymore, and Edmond, with all its growth and amenities, offers up the new while still giving residents a taste of the old.

But did you know that where you spend your money has a direct impact on this town? Most cities, like Edmond, depend on sales tax dollars to provide many, if not most, of their services, including public safety (police and fire), business development, and parks and city-wide events, as well as other critical services.

Toni Weinmeister, Associate Director of the Edmond Economic Development Authority, says that shopping in Edmond is a direct act of giving back to your community, because your dollars help fund the city. Frequenting local "mom and pop" stores, as well as franchises located within Edmond, helps not only with funding, but also benefits the local residents who own these businesses. And even shopping online at a business with an Edmond store will result in sales tax dollars going to the city (sorry folks, that does not include Amazon). Places like Target, Walmart, and many others all qualify.

And speaking of "mom and pop" stores, don't be afraid to go and check some of the smaller ones out. Edmond has a wide variety, and while small businesses sometimes have a reputation for having higher prices, that simply is not always the case. For instance, a new local business, Tenz, sells women's clothing and accessories for ten dollars.

Lisa Wheeler, owner of Tenz, says that opening a small, local business can be challenging, especially when competing with national chains, but she loves the sense of community in a town like Edmond. "One of our goals is giving back to the community by offering affordable clothing."

And she's just one of many store owners or managers who love serving the Edmond community. Ben Hoza, a manager at The Meat House, says, "We love the Edmond community and supporting the many events that make this area wonderful." The business, which offers a variety of fresh food options as well as catering, celebrates it second anniversary this month.

So, when you're getting ready to spend those dollars this holiday season, pause for a moment to consider where you want your dollars to go. Because by giving a local business your business, you might just be able to say "Thanks" in the best possible way.

Giving Thanks Part I - This Thanksgiving, give thanks for more than a meal

Every year at my house, we have a huge debate over the Thanksgiving meal. I swear the argument has brought my entire extended family to the brink of violence. The debate is epic.

It comes down to this...mash potatoes: chunky or creamy?

But tater-disagreement aside, contemplating an afternoon of feasting with either my family or my husband's brings a pleasant taste to my mouth, and my only anxiety is over the extra calories that will jumpstart the Christmas eating season.

However, over the past year, I've spoken with many families about their traditions, and I grew very aware that some people do much more than inhale a turkey dinner on this day of gratitude expression. In fact, I was awed by the ways people chose to give back to their families and communities, and I figured I'd better pass some of these ideas along.

Give thanks for your blessings by helping others...

On Thanksgiving day, many of us can't even begin to conquer all the items that will grace our table. However, overabundance isn't the norm for every Oklahoman. Places like The City Rescue Mission serve meals to the homeless. Stacy Valentine, who supervises community relations at The City Rescue Mission,  says that people can help by adopting a table (decorating a table, bringing a dessert, and eating lunch with the clients) or contributing to their food resource center.

Give thanks for your country by adopting a soldier...

Several organizations offer opportunities for us to send a real thank you to our service men and women. Both Adopt A US Soldier and Letters to Soldiers allow you to express gratitude through letters and/or care packages, and the support never goes unappreciated. Wendy Lynch, Chief Liaison Officer for Adopt A US Soldier sums it up perfectly: "We need to let them know that we support them, that they are cared for, and not forgotten. This is a small thing to do for these brave men and women who are making some of the greatest sacrifices in life."

Give thanks for your health by exercising with friends and family...

One of the simplest ways to say "thank you" to a healthy body is to use it. Edmond and Oklahoma City both offer a way to celebrate healthy living on Thanksgiving, not to mention getting a jumpstart on those pesky pumpkin-pie calories. The Edmond Turkey Trot will take place in downtown Edmond (and will benefit Turning Point Ministries), and the Oklahoma City Turkey Trot at Lake Hefner (benefiting Eagle Ridge Institute). If an early morning race is out of reach for you and family members, take time to for a walk or jog, or even a flag football game that says, "Hey, I'm grateful for what I've got."

Give thank for your family by telling them...

And if you find yourself up to your elbows cooking sweet potato casserole and pecan pie, even a simple pack of note cards, with a message quickly scrawled to each guest, will help you and your family members remember that life is a gift, every day is a blessing, and each moment should give us a reason to say, "Thanks."