Pefectly imperfect - The power of presence

This week, I attended "Meet the Teacher Day" with my daughter and spent ten days filling out paperwork. Okay, okay. Not ten days. Ten minutes really, but a lifetime when one's two-year-old has decided to make the classroom his own. Thank god for the husband running interference. Otherwise, my first impression on teacher day might not have been so sunshiny.

In fact, I was so distracted by just, well, everything, that I forgot to do one very important thing.

Volunteer.

You see, I had learned something from the interviews I had conducted for my topic this month. During August, I've been driving this blog down the road of imperfect parenting (it's a road I know well, unfortunately). As we all know, we don't get road maps, self-help manuals, or instruction booklets for those kiddos of ours. Sometimes it's hard to know if we're doing everything...or anything...right.

But when I talked to some local experts, I was surprised that some simple steps (although not necessarily always convenient in our busy lifestyles) are critical, while other things (like, you know, actual things) are less important to our children. And being a presence in your child's school life was something that was emphasized over and over again.

"Parents who volunteer have a better feel what their child's environment is like," says Cordell Ehrich, the principal at Cimarron Middle School in Edmond. It's easy to get involved, he adds, simply by stopping by the school office or emailing a student's teacher. And he stressed the importance of doing this at all stages - elementary through high school.

And opportunities abound not only for the parents who can come in during the day, but for parents who can't. Again, it usually includes you reaching out to the school to see what might fit.

"Kids want you there," says Ehrich. "They may not act like it, but they do."

In fact, kids seeing a relationship built between their teachers and parents creates respect, says Guidance Counselor Evan Tims at Edmond's Cross Timbers Elementary. Also, a parent's presence at a school shows students how much their parents care about them and their education, she asserts.

And no matter what, whether you volunteer or not, the importance of communication with your child's school cannot be stressed enough. "Generally, teachers and counselors check email daily, if not more often," says Tims, "so do make an effort to communicate with them." This too can lead to a better understanding of your child's world.

Remember, these days will come and go more quickly than you think. When I asked Edmond resident Michael Stranz, father of four grown children, if he could think of any time he wished he had been more involved, he mentioned he could never be involved enough in the day-to-day stuff. "I think as parents (of young children), we walk that line of being too over-bearing, but as they grow into young adults and we look back and reflect, those are the times we miss the most."

Words from the wise to the wise.

Check in next week for more on how you can connect to your child's world!

Let's do homework! Teachers' wise words on getting the job done...

I don't know much about inspiring my kids to do homework (I mean, is anyone ever inspired to do homework?). However, I do know my parents' "take no prisoners" approach caused me to be meticulous about completing assignments, something I carried with me into my college years. An approach that worked well for me--that continues to work well with me--is delayed gratification. Once I get the hard stuff out of the way (studying, cleaning house, paying bills, etc.), then I can play. Simple, yes. But it doesn't work for everyone.

So, in order to seek out methods for helping today's kiddos, who carry technology around like a vital organ, I talked to a group of friends who-are-teachers to get their suggestions on how to motivate children to take homework seriously, as well as learn habits that will last a lifetime (or at least through college graduation). I found myself impressed, amused, and yes, even surprised at what they suggested.

Don't make it a fight. Kids buck orders. Really, I think most of us do, independent creatures that we are. Give your kid a choice: do your homework now, or give up something fun later (outside playtime, television, games, or an activity). If they choose to play outside first, say, "Okay," but give them a limited amount of time with the caveat, "If you did this now, you wouldn't have to worry about it the rest of the night."

Setting aside the time. Kids often have short attention spans. One teacher friend suggested setting a timer for homework in fifteen- or twenty-minute intervals and giving a certain amount of free time (or a "break") in between. She also suggests a rewards-based system, including sticker charts for younger children and changing the Wi-Fi password and giving it to older children when they complete their work.

Different strokes for different folks. And continuing on the rewards track...as adults, we're motivated by a paycheck and free time, am I right? Well, kids of all ages are also motivated by material rewards ("the paycheck"), as well as free time and autonomy. Find out what makes your child tick (TV time, computer time, privileges, special prizes, etc.) and then use it as a reward when they accomplish what needs to be done. Sometimes, this means balancing passions with challenges. For example, one of my teacher friends, Katie Scott, explains her motivation techniques for her elementary school class and her own children:

"Motivation is more about creating motivation within the child...what are they driven by? I try to motivate my own kids and students by finding their passions. I look at their learning styles--how do they learn? If reading is the most difficult, but they love together time, read with your child, take turns on each page. If writing is difficult, create some fun with a squishy toy to help keep their hands relaxed."

This is where your parenting skills and knowledge of your kid come in handy. And sometimes, like most things, the process may take some trial and error. 

And if all else fails...

Early bird gets the worm. If your kiddo didn't complete his or her work the night before, drag them out of bed early to finish. 'Nuff said there. I'm certain this would have worked for me as a kid too. I mean, who likes to get up early? The only con is that you have to get up early too...

And at the end of the day, tell your children why homework is important. Maybe they can't see the value in American History or Algebra II, but remind them what they can expect by working hard in school. And, if you must, pull out the M&Ms. :)

Getting kids ready to go back to school – From the mouths of your friendly neighborhood teachers

Over the summer, many of us parents have been absorbed in chauffeuring the kids to summer camps, swimming lessons, and the snow cone stand down the street with the awesome macaroon flavor. Who has time to think ahead?

But already, signs in Target and Walmart scream “BACK TO SCHOOL SUPPLIES,” and suddenly, we look at our kids, standing in chewed-up flip flops and chocolate ice cream-stained T-shirts, and realize we’d better start thinking about bus schedules and number 2 pencils.

Thankfully, we have some great teachers in the area to give you a head start on firing those kids up for another year. I've included their full interviews (just click on the name) to a series of questions that should give you some answers for making the first day awesome. My expert panel included the following:

Jamie Minter, fifth grade teacher at John Ross Elementary
Walaya Lupp, a high school reading specialist in the Oklahoma City area
Annetta Cain, second grade teacher at Spring Creek Elementary 
Kathleen Schwiebert, sixth grade reading teacher at Deer Creek Intermediate School

Here are the highlights!

How can parents help their kids prepare for going back to school?

Jamie: I don't think you can just pick a day and say, "Hey it's time to get back in the swing of things.” But instead, just keep a flow of creative learning activities throughout the summer months. My number one piece of advice is to READ.  Parents and children both need to pick out a good book for the summer!

Walaya: Children who have a lot of different experiences, such as museums, parks, library visits, or even just a trip through the woods, build what's called schema. This better enables them to connect with what they are learning in school.

Annette:  I sign my four kids up with the Edmond Library to take part in their summer reading program.  It provides little incentives along the way to read, and the children have a chance at winning some pretty big prizes at the end of the summer if their names are drawn.

Kathleen: Start regulating bedtimes and wake up times about a week or more before school starts.  Here in Deer Creek, the Intermediate School starts classes at 7:30 a.m., so if a child has been going to bed and getting up whenever he or she feels like it, that 6 a.m. wake-up time is going to be a shock!

How can parents get kids excited about going back to school?

Jamie: Getting the kids excited comes from the parents being positive and excited as well. Back to school shopping for supplies and clothes should be fun and not stressful.

Walaya: Ask them what they liked about what the older kids were doing the year before, and take your child to any activities the school is having beforehand.

Annette: Communicating in a positive way with your children is critical. Talk about the new and exciting things this school year will bring. Contact some friends from school and try to get together before school starts. 

Kathleen: If parents are moaning about the "end of summer,” kids will jump right in and express that same feeling.  I am a big believer about talking about hopes and dreams and talking about how to achieve those things.

And finally, what do you look forward to most in a new school year?

Jamie: What I look forward to the most is meeting my new students. I am blessed each year to be given twenty-plus students, and it's almost like opening a present. You never know what's inside, and you can't wait to find out.

Walaya: I always look forward to meeting new students and building new relationships with my kids.  I'm a reading specialist, so my love is about growing new readers and showing kids how to pick out books that they like.

Annette: I can't wait to meet my students! Each child in my class is like a puzzle to me, and I love trying to figure them out!

Kathleen: At the end of every school year, when my students leave my classroom, I am quite sure I will never love another group of kids as I have loved them.  Then, when August rolls around, I meet a whole new group of kids, and in a few days, I am learning names and personalities and I start to think - I like these kids, and a whole new journey begins!