I don't know how much children's programming you've watched over the past few years, but I know I've seen my fair share. Maybe your kiddos are stuck in the land of Paw Patrol, Dora the Explorer, or Jake and the Neverland Pirates. Maybe their taste runs more mature, like My Little Ponies or Phineas and Ferb (did I really just call those shows "more mature"?). Or perhaps they've been sucked into the land of teen drama, either the innocent programs on the Disney Channel, or graduating to darker fare on the CW.
But you know, as much media as we all consume (and obviously, that goes way beyond the world of television - extending to music, phone apps, video games, and social media), how much does it help us understand our children's world? What do we actually learn about them from it?
The answer? Not really all that much. Because your child's world is not on the television, in social media, or in video games. If it is, time for a regroup and refocus, folks. Your children's world is first and foremost the life they lead at school, what they do with their friends, and any activities they do in addition to all that.
So how do you connect to that? Well, I'm no expert, but I did talk to some people who are, and here's the three actions you can take that they all highlighted as fundamental to understanding the world in which your child exists.
Talk to your child...then listen. No matter your work schedule, no matter your home situation, experts agree you should take time to talk to your child every day. For some kids, getting information on their day is an easy task - they're talkers, and all you have to do is pose a question and sit back and listen. For other kids, encouraging information out of them may take more time. But the more you ask, the more you'll learn, which will open doors to knowing what questions really loosen those tight-lipped kiddos.
"Communication with your children is key," says Evan Tims, a guidance counselor at Cross Timbers Elementary in Edmond. She emphasizes that we need to teach ourselves better communication, and how do we do that? Practice. And remember, communication is a two-way street; we have to listen as well.
Connect to the adults who know your child's world outside the home. As we discussed last week, parents who volunteer at their children's schools have a better idea of what their children's daily environment is like. And kids want you there, says Cordell Ehrich, principal of Edmond's Cimarron Middle School, adding, "Face time is important,"
But don't forget to think outside your child's school. Coaches, church leaders, and parents of your children's friends also see your child outside your own home, so taking time to open up a conversation with these particular people will help you not only understand your child's world better, but it will also give you a contact in case of any type of emergency or problem.
Spend time, time, and more time together. When I spoke to Michael Stranz, Edmond father of four grown children, he emphasized that he could never have spent enough time doing the day to day stuff with his kids. As a parent, I think it can sometimes be hard to remember how incredibly fast this is all going to go when you're in the thick of things. But from somebody who's oldest just started full-time school, I have begun to understand what Stranz means.
You only get one shot at this. As parents, we all have work obligations, and we definitely need to take some time out for ourselves. But remember, your child will grow so, so fast. People with grandkids tell me this over and over. And you have to enjoy every moment. I was reminded of this when I took my two-year-old to the zoo just two days ago, and he jumped up and down like Tigger when he saw the bears. Another woman with older children in tow laughed at my son's antics. "I remember that age. Now mine care most about the vending machines."
A good reminder. So soak it all in, friends, because it's going by so quickly already.
And remember to check in next week for the final segment of perfectly imperfect parenting - weathering rough waters.
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