My Happy New Year wishlist

This new year, 2014, marks my third year as an Edmond mom. And while I can't boast any Parent of the Year awards or children who read in Spanish by age three, I do know a little something about keeping my head above water as a mama of two munchkins who are quickly learning how to make me march to their cute little off-key tunes.

So, in thinking about New Year's resolutions and becoming an improved version of myself, I realized that I will always do my best at parenting, but that I can always do better. Okay, so maybe you have a  house any germaphobe would be proud of, or your kids always say "please" and "thank you" with the most gracious of smiles. Or maybe Martha Stewart calls you for cooking, decorating, and craft advice. I'm sending a round of applause your way. Really. But what about the rest of us? What small changes can we make to be even better examples to our kids and teach them the things that school can't?

Here's a few, unscientific ideas...

Learn more. Recently, I had the opportunity to visit the Georgia Aquarium with my three-year-old. The result? We now have discussions about whale sharks, nocturnal animals, aquatic feeding habits, octopus ink, and why we would never want to touch jellyfish (even though they're very pretty).

Lesson here? I'm not my daughter's classroom teacher, but as a parent, I get the very cool job of taking her places that will make learning not only fun, but so experiential that she's likely to remember that Beluga whales swim in very cold water and alligators are sometimes albino. Cool.
 
Read more. Everyone rolls their eyes at me on this one. Whatever. There's plenty of research that points to the overwhelmingly positive link between reading and success in school, college, and life. And if you look at some of the most successful Americans, they've been inspired to greatness by what they've read. So there (insert sticking out of tongue).

And really, I'm not just saying this because I'm a writer, but you should read with your kids. And your kids should spend time reading. And you should spend time reading, because children model the behaviors of their parents (just ask my daughter, who now has road rage at age three because of my stellar example). Point made.

Give more. Generosity is a hallmark of the American spirit, didn't you know? I realize we complain about foreign aid and other countries hating us anyway and blah, blah, blah. But if you believe in karma or blessings or in being a better person, remember that no one was ever criticized for giving too much. And Edmond abounds with charities, where not only money, but food items, clothing, and time are in short supply. And how much will your own heart be touched when you see your child respond to others with a spirit of generosity and kindness?

Play more. We have parks in Edmond. An ice rink. Bowling alleys. Water parks. If it's snowing outside, build a blanket fort or have a snowball fight.  Do not just sit on the sofa and watch Honey Boo Boo. You are throwing your life down the garbage disposal. Get out with your kids and live it up!

Share more. And finally, go beyond giving to the stranger. Now's the time, more than ever, to patch things up with family, reconnect with a friend, or spend some time with someone who may not have much time left. Work will always be there. Candy Crush and your IPad aren't going anywhere either.

I've lost several dear people this year, and in this new year, I know one thing for certain: Life is too short not to be a people person. Make playdates and social gatherings a priority. Believe me, those kids won't suffer for it. If anything, you might actually have that shot at Parent of the Year.

Happy New Year!

So this is Christmas - Cue the family time (and hugging, hair-pulling, teeth-gritting, etc. etc.)

I really like my family. I really like my husband's family. Look, I'm not trying to get brownie points right before Christmas (although I'm cool with that). I just really want my family to know I like them before I launch into what I'm about to say.

Family time is awesome. Family time is also a time where you wonder if God created family  as a way to answer your prayers for patience. I mean, when you spend time with the same people, year after year, sometimes they get a little too honest, a little too nosy, a little too opinionated...you get the picture. For me, although I'm a fun-loving, outgoing, confident mama of two little ones, when I get back in my family structure, I somehow sink back into my middle-child syndrome. And my very cool brother and sister can still stoke my temper in a matter of seconds. Seconds, people. It's just too easy.

But for the most part, I don't have anyone I wouldn't want to see during the holidays. No "Cousin Eddie" in my family (you know, the RV nutcase on the classic Christmas  Vacation). However, I know that spending time with certain family--and friends--can often be a challenge, and so I took the opportunity to chat with Jackie Shaw, a licensed therapist and Executive Director of Edmond Family Counseling. She emphasized the need for having realistic expectations when it comes to dealing with some family members. Here's just some of her rock-solid advice that will keep you from drowning your sorrows in the holiday nog... 

•Have a plan. You may have known a family member for some time and are aware of triggers--sensitive areas that are dangerous for you or others.  Be sure to have some “practiced responses” that are neutral, as well as a strategy for exiting the scene, if needed.  Remind yourself that this is for a limited time; knowing there is an end in sight is helpful.

•Put on some extra-thick skin. When a difficult family member lashes out at you, remember that it is not the you in the present he or she is talking about.  In fact, he or she may not be talking about you at all!  Taking comments personally makes you easy prey; if you can manage to not take the barrage personally, you rise above it and are immune.

•If you can't say something nice... Take time to stop and think before you speak. Is it possible to take a “time out” when you feel less than joyous?  Do consider the age, background, health, etc. of your guest or guests. Sometimes just being silent is the greatest gift, and it may save hurt, apologies, and regrets.

And finally, Shaw encourages you to think about why you feel the need to participate in certain family activities and to look at the reasons you may dread doing so. At the end of the day, we should be celebrating this beautiful season and appreciating family as we can. And then we have to let it go.

Because, even if you have a Grinch at your gathering, remember this:

“Every Who down in Who-ville, the tall and the small, was singing!  Without any presents at all!  He HADN’T  stopped Christmas from coming!  IT CAME!  Somehow or other, it came just the same!”  

When your home is alone...a few take aways from a classic Christmas movie...

In my last post, I discussed three of my most favorite classic (and funny) Christmas movies. To be honest (and most people think I'm crazy), my most favorite of them all is Home Alone. And you say, "Really?" And I say, "Yes." Nothing gets me more revved up about Christmas than watching Kevin set the traps for the burglars to the dramatic "Carol of the Bells."

I know. Its weird. Whatever.

But something about that movie has stuck with me through the years, and I'm not just talking about the crook "Marv" with a giant tarantula on his face. The thing is, when you travel during the holidays, you've got to make sure your house isn't a sitting duck.

So I had the opportunity to chat with Lewis Long, Vice President of Marketing Communications for ADT. Here's just some of the rock solid advice he gave for those who will be away from home on or around the holidays...


Top tips for keeping your home safe year-around, and especially during the holidays:

• Lock your doors even when you are gone for a brief amount of time. A large percentage of burglaries happen during the day, so homeowners should secure doors and windows every time they leave their home. 
• Be proactive about keeping your home safe by checking smoke alarms and carbon monoxide detectors every month. A quick test of life-safety devices can keep families safe from potential danger. 
• Keep hedges and bushes around your home trimmed, so burglars don’t have places to hide.
• Sign up with 24/7 active monitoring from a security provider to ensure you and your home are safe at all times – whether you're asleep or away from home. In the event of an emergency situation, such as a break-in or fire, your system will immediately notify your security provider and within seconds, the appropriate emergency services will be contacted and dispatched to your home.

 

And a few holiday-specific items:

• Position all holiday trees away from furnaces and doorways so they do not present a hazard in the home.
• Never leave lit candles unattended and consider flameless candles as an alternative.
• Remember that dry holiday trees can become a fire hazard when decorated with holiday lights.  Water your tree daily to keep it properly hydrated and safe.
• Inspect tree lights for damage before hanging them. Also, avoid leaving your tree lights on when the home is vacant, as they could become a fire hazard when overheated.
  
  And finally...

• Be careful about what you post on social media if you are travelling for the holidays.  Burglars can use posts on Twitter or Facebook to determine when you’ll be away.  

Well then! All I have to do is find my pointy Christmas ornaments to put underneath the window. Just kidding. I'll be home for Christmas.

 

This Christmas - Three favorite films with hidden messages

Yes, I'll admit it. I have a problem.
 
I am a Christmas movie-aholic.
 
Give me a little Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer or Frosty the Snowman, and you'll find me teary before you finish singing "So he waved goodbye, saying don't you cry, I'll be back again someday." Classic.
 
But I've got some new favorite Christmas fare, now that I'm a grownup and have learned that the holiday season should be dealt with a degree of humor, if you're going to deal with it at all. So thanks to the talents of Chevy Chase, Macaulay Culkin, and Peter Billingsley (better known as "Ralphie"), I follow up a round of Frosty with cheerful thoughts of 250 strands of lights.
 
If you don't know what the heck I'm talking about, then you need to get your TV watching on this Christmas. Because these three classic holiday movies not only will have you giggling to the tune of "Jingle Bells," but will also bring up some holiday matters of importance.
 
Home Alone - and the cold hard facts about home security. When the mice are away, the cats will play. Or something like that. Anyway, watch the first few minutes of this movie, and even the humor won't shake away those creepy vibes from the soon-to-be villains. The takeaway lesson from this gem is this: when you're leaving your home during the holidays, get serious about security (unless you really have enough toy cars, pointy ornaments, and a tarantula to effectively defend your home, like Kevin does).
 
And be smart! Lewis Long, Vice President of Marking Communications at ADT, says this: "Be careful about what you post on social media if you are travelling for the holidays.  Burglars can use posts on Twitter or Facebook to determine when you’ll be away."
 
A Christmas Story - and the hunt for the perfect toy. My husband had to coerce me into watching this movie all the way through, and even though I threated one episode of Downtown Abbey in return, I had to admit this movie has plenty to like. Also, it reminded me that finding the perfect toy for any kid is not only a challenge, but a task that might take a little outside-the-box thinking.
 
Kids change so fast. I mean, hey, they're kids. But according to Becky Scharf, Director of Stepping Stone Mother's Day Out and Edmond mom of four young children, you can succeed with a little effort. "When selecting a toy for a friend or family member, I try to pick something that is not going to add too much clutter or noise to their house! I also like to pick toys that they won't quickly outgrow and that can be used in different ways or foster imagination and grow with the child."
 
National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation - and finally, what to do with the family member from well, you know... You can't pick your family. You get what you get. But that doesn't always mean you like them all that much. (BTW, I love all of mine...wink, wink.) However, the holidays are the time of year when we are often thrown together with the good, the bad, and sometimes the ugly. Maybe you don't have a cousin "Eddie"; then again, you just might. 
 
What to do with an especially difficult person, who may be staying with you for a few hours or even days? Jackie Shaw, a licensed therapist and Executive Director of Edmond Family Counseling, suggests the following: "Make sure you have realistic expectations and a support system for yourself, both inside and outside of YOU!  When the difficult relative lashes out at you, remember that it is not the you in the present he/she is talking to or about. If you can manage to not take the barrage personally, you rise above it and are immune."

 

Words that have me singing a little more fa-la-la-la-la for sure.

And check out next week's blog for more on holiday security:)