Thursday, May 30, 2013

Fielding the tough questions - being a parent when disaster strikes

Once upon a time, I lived near the Warren Theater in Moore, Oklahoma. That's why, when the devastating tornado churned through the city last week, I held my breath and watched with clasped hands. I have family and friends in the area, and my thoughts, like anyone else's with "people" in Moore, were frantic with worry.

Well, the people I know survived the storm, but several family members attended the funeral for one of the tornado's victims--a nine-year-old boy. In addition, people from the area have told me that seeing the pictures on TV is one thing, but viewing the damage up close, in the area where you live your life everyday, requires some adjustment.

As a parent, I worry about the effect of the news coverage on my own young children and have strived to keep my viewing to the morning and evening hours when they are asleep. But storm damage is something most Oklahoma kiddos will witness at one point or another, and being prepared to answer the big questions from our little ones is another part of preparing for severe weather.

First of all, it's probably a safe bet that most kids are going to be curious about what a tornado is. The challenge is achieving comprehension, as many young children don't understand words like "instability" or "air pressure." However, Discovery Kids does a nice job explaining the science in kid-friendly terms here, and I also would recommend the Science Museum of Oklahoma, which has some great displays for hands-on learning.

But for most of us, talking about the science of a tornado is the easy part. It's what a tornado does--the lives lost, people injured, and homes destroyed--that gives us cause for anxiety and sadness. For little ones, the aftermath of a storm may overwhelm, so here's a few things you can do when disaster strikes.

1. Limit viewing of media coverage, and be a good role model. Jackie Shaw, Director of Edmond Family Counseling, has fielded questions from parents regarding best courses of action in the event of a tornado like the one in Moore. She encourages parents to do two things: one, limit their viewing of media coverage of the tornado. Children in the Oklahoma City area will be exposed to images of these tragic storms in each stage of the recovery process, so turning the television off can help limit anxiety. Also, a parent's own reaction--negative versus positive, or fearful versus hopeful--can greatly influence a child's reaction to an event like this.

2. Think in terms of how your child thinks, not how you think. My preschooler tells me she is sad sometimes, sometimes she is scared, and sometimes she is "weally, weally happy." Shaw suggested that when the questions do start to come your way, try to phrase your answers in the language you've heard your child use before.

3. Prepare yourself to answer the question, "What happens when people die?" Everyone will experience losing someone they love, and some of us experience it early in our childhood. The National Institutes of Health has put together a great resource for dealing with the subject, no matter the circumstances. And sometimes, it's okay to say, "I don't have the answer to that one." 

The important thing to remember is that your child looks to you for how to respond to life's most difficult situations. That's certainly a great deal of pressure, but in some ways, it's also reassuring to know that a parent can exercise such a positive influence. And if you can show your child that there is joy and hope in the midst of sadness, then you will be teaching them a valuable lesson they will never outgrow.

Thursday, May 23, 2013

Memorial Day: Time to remember, time to set an example

I can't remember when I first learned the meaning of Memorial Day. I'm certain the significance was imparted to me by my parents early on, as my family, like many others, have a deep respect for our military. However, for many years, to me it was a weekend of barbecues, ice cream, and end-of-school excitement.
 
Then I married a soldier.
 
My husband has been out of the Air Force for almost seven years now, but my time as a military wife had a great impact on the gratefulness I have for the men and women who gave the ultimate sacrifice--their lives--but also for the ones who live and serve our country every day, by forfeiting time with their families, turning down jobs with higher incomes, and sacrificing the ability to stay in one location while their kids grow up. It is not just the men and women who selflessly serve, but their spouses and children who dedicate their lives to this country.
 
Certainly, as an adult, I feel deeply appreciative of such sacrifices, but how can I begin to emphasize to my children, who are both so little, how important our military--specifically our soldiers and their families--are to the stability of our own lives and the protection of our freedoms? It's not like I can look my toddler in the eye and say, "You need to show appreciation." I'd probably just get a Cheerio thrown at my head.
 
But thanks to some ideas that family and friends have shared over the years, I do have a list of activities that can help me create a sense of gratitude in my kids. It may not be an immediate epiphany for them, but there's nothing like repetition and hands-on experiences to show them how much some are willing to give in service to the USA. Here's the short list:
 
1. Pick a famous war hero and talk about his or her story. Nothing speaks to kiddos like a good story, and we have plenty of brave and heroic soldiers in our history. Do a little research and find a fun, exciting way to tell a particular man or woman's story (don't forget to start at childhood, as this is the most relatable for kids). Then, to make it stick, help your kids draw pictures and piece together something--a notebook or album--that can be taken out and rediscovered every year.
 
2. Visit a memorial or cemetery. Nothing says "remember" like a memorial or tombstone. We may not be in Washington DC, with it's dramatic war memorials and the striking, sobering Arlington Cemetery, but there are places nearby that are tangible reminders of sacrifice. Ardmore boasts the Military Memorial Museum, located within the Greater Southwest Historical Museum, and both Fort Sill and Fort Gibson offer military cemeteries. Closer to Edmond is the Stars and Stripes Park at Lake Hefner, with busts of Bob Hope (a big supporter of the USO) and Dwight Eisenhower (a former soldier and president). 
 
3. Write a letter to a soldier. Writing a letter and sending a care package through an organization such as Letters to Soldiers is a effective way to tell a soldier up front how much you appreciate him or her. The process of putting a package together or writing an encouraging letter can be exciting for a child of any age, and it's not something they're likely to forget.
 
4. Sponsor a small fundraiser for a charity dedicated to soldiers and/or their families. A lemonade stand, bake sale, or yard sale are all easy methods for raising a small sum of money to send to one of the many charities that support soldiers and their families (just make sure to research the charity to ensure the money is going where it should). This is a way for children to understand how we as citizens can make a difference for those who give so much.

And now all that's left to do is follow my own advice. Perhaps I can tackle all four of these, or maybe just one. The thing is, it's no use writing about it otherwise. Actions speak louder than words.

Happy Memorial Day.

Thursday, May 16, 2013

2013 VBS Breakdown

I'm not going to spend a lot of time chattering this week. I know, I know. You'll really miss my wit and awesome one-liners, but this week I've got serious business to attend to.

That's right. Vacation Bible School. You know, that week-long, generally FREE, camp-like event that gives you time to check a few things off that to-do list. Or shop. Or get a hair cut. Oh yeah.

So, here's this year's schedule, in alphabetical order. I've included a few churches in North OKC that serve our community and are large enough to provide some pretty spectacular programs.

2014 Dates (check back for updates)

Crossings Community Church - June 9 - 12

First Christian Church of Edmond - June 9 - 13

First United Methodist Church of Edmond -  June 16 - 19

Henderson Hills Baptist Church - June 9 - 13

New Covenant United Methodist Church - July 15 - 19

Quail Springs Baptist Church - June 23 - 27

Sante Fe Presbyterian - June 2 - 6

St. Elijahs's - June 16 - 20

St. Monica Catholic Church - June 9 - 12

So sign up quick. From experience, these spots go fast! And as always, I'm happy to add any program I've missed.

Thursday, May 9, 2013

Mother's Day perfection - Edmond style

Oh yeah. It's that day again...

A day to celebrate mom, and all her nose-wiping, spilt-milk cleaning, laundry folding, meal cooking, and daily chauffeuring. 'Cause man, she is one busy lady. And, usually mom does all her thankless tasks with a smile, but sometimes there's yelling, grunting, whining, and crying. But hey, moms are only human too.

So, why not plan a day worthy of super lady? Because if there's one thing this busy mama of two knows, it's that a little appreciation goes a long way. Let me give you a small window into a perfect mother's day, Edmond style.

Breakfast, but maybe not in bed. Okay, so a burnt pancake or dry eggs is still totally appreciated, but maybe it's time to treat mom to a breakfast worthy of her years of picking up a kajillion Cheerios. Go all out with a Sunday brunch at 501 Café and give her a smile that will last the day.

A church service, because you know they're going to talk about how awesome mommies are. Even if you're the Christmas and Easter type, this is a good day to attend, because most services honor mothers in a special way.

Lunch or dinner, somewhere special. Maybe you love BJ's or Red Robin's (and I certainly do), but if you're taking mom to lunch, make sure it's her favorite place. That doesn't mean you have to skip a chain restaurant if she loves it, but be open to the idea of something unique, such as a picnic lunch or dinner on the patio. And remember, if you cook at home, do not--I repeat, do not--leave mom to do the cleanup!

R&R. Does mom like to read? Watch the Housewives of Orange County? Fall asleep snoring on the couch? Take a bubble bath? Or, in my case, partake in retail therapy without dragging the hyperactive baby into a dressing room? Give her a few hours to do exactly what she likes. And don't make it sound like you're doing her a big favor. That's part of the gift.

Flowers, with a twist. Maybe she likes flowers. Maybe they make her sneeze. Maybe she  would rather have an assortment of something she can consume, such as fruit or cupcakes. Don't be afraid to make up your own arrangement of, well, whatever. Sometimes it's the time and thought that count the most.

A gift that says, "We may not listen much, but we do know what you need." Ideas? A gift certificate to Inspirations Tea Room or for a massage. A coupon for a free house cleaning from a reputable service or a babysitter for a full day. New shelves in the closet for her fifty million shoes. The thing is, you can be creative. Jewelry is awesome, flowers are special, but when it comes to the perfect gift, it's about giving mom something that says, "We get you."

So, if you're a mama, and these ideas sound pretty good to you, just send this link to you-know-who.

And, you're welcome.


Thursday, May 2, 2013

Pediatric dentistry - Because we all hate the whirrrr sound

Okay, I'll admit it. My daughter likes juice. And suckers. And "bean beans" (jelly beans).

It's not a recipe for anti-cavity success.

Some pediatricians  recommend you take your child to the dentist as early as one year of age. So, even though my preschooler has a horror of anyone coming within ten feet of her with medical equipment, it's past time to get that little mouth of teeth checked out and cleaned. When my pediatrician suggested we do this sooner than later, I gave her my "you've-got-to-be-kidding" look. Was she not hearing the same screaming I was? For a stethoscope? But of course, as usual, the doctor is right. And when Dr. I'm-smiling-but-I'm-dead-serious-here mentioned that our area has some great pediatric dentists, I figured it was time to buckle down and do some research.

So why go to a pediatric dentist as opposed to a dentist without the specialty? According to the American Academy of Pediatric Dentistry, " A pediatric dentist has two to three years of specialty training following dental school and limits his/her practice to treating children only."

But what if you really like your family dentist? Well, some practices will have a pediatric dentist on staff, but not all. Then it's up to the parents whether they want an office that caters only to children (with waiting rooms and offices that I imagine are high on the primary color spectrum), or with someone they have a history with. 

But, in the spirit of getting you started, here are links to Edmond dentists listed as having a specialty in pediatric dentistry. I also recommend you talk to your child's doctor for a recommendation, or even do some word-of-mouth research. And, when you finally take junior in, just remember how much you like going to the dentist, especially your feelings toward the seizure-inducing whirrrr sound of that  electronic polisher, and have the tissues and bribes ready to go.

Edmond Pediatric Dentists

Children's Dentistry of Coffee Creek

Coffee Creek Family Dentistry

Edmond Pediatric and Teen Dentistry

Martha Garzon, DMD, MS Edmond OK Children's Dentist

 

Good luck!