My Happy New Year wishlist

This new year, 2014, marks my third year as an Edmond mom. And while I can't boast any Parent of the Year awards or children who read in Spanish by age three, I do know a little something about keeping my head above water as a mama of two munchkins who are quickly learning how to make me march to their cute little off-key tunes.

So, in thinking about New Year's resolutions and becoming an improved version of myself, I realized that I will always do my best at parenting, but that I can always do better. Okay, so maybe you have a  house any germaphobe would be proud of, or your kids always say "please" and "thank you" with the most gracious of smiles. Or maybe Martha Stewart calls you for cooking, decorating, and craft advice. I'm sending a round of applause your way. Really. But what about the rest of us? What small changes can we make to be even better examples to our kids and teach them the things that school can't?

Here's a few, unscientific ideas...

Learn more. Recently, I had the opportunity to visit the Georgia Aquarium with my three-year-old. The result? We now have discussions about whale sharks, nocturnal animals, aquatic feeding habits, octopus ink, and why we would never want to touch jellyfish (even though they're very pretty).

Lesson here? I'm not my daughter's classroom teacher, but as a parent, I get the very cool job of taking her places that will make learning not only fun, but so experiential that she's likely to remember that Beluga whales swim in very cold water and alligators are sometimes albino. Cool.
 
Read more. Everyone rolls their eyes at me on this one. Whatever. There's plenty of research that points to the overwhelmingly positive link between reading and success in school, college, and life. And if you look at some of the most successful Americans, they've been inspired to greatness by what they've read. So there (insert sticking out of tongue).

And really, I'm not just saying this because I'm a writer, but you should read with your kids. And your kids should spend time reading. And you should spend time reading, because children model the behaviors of their parents (just ask my daughter, who now has road rage at age three because of my stellar example). Point made.

Give more. Generosity is a hallmark of the American spirit, didn't you know? I realize we complain about foreign aid and other countries hating us anyway and blah, blah, blah. But if you believe in karma or blessings or in being a better person, remember that no one was ever criticized for giving too much. And Edmond abounds with charities, where not only money, but food items, clothing, and time are in short supply. And how much will your own heart be touched when you see your child respond to others with a spirit of generosity and kindness?

Play more. We have parks in Edmond. An ice rink. Bowling alleys. Water parks. If it's snowing outside, build a blanket fort or have a snowball fight.  Do not just sit on the sofa and watch Honey Boo Boo. You are throwing your life down the garbage disposal. Get out with your kids and live it up!

Share more. And finally, go beyond giving to the stranger. Now's the time, more than ever, to patch things up with family, reconnect with a friend, or spend some time with someone who may not have much time left. Work will always be there. Candy Crush and your IPad aren't going anywhere either.

I've lost several dear people this year, and in this new year, I know one thing for certain: Life is too short not to be a people person. Make playdates and social gatherings a priority. Believe me, those kids won't suffer for it. If anything, you might actually have that shot at Parent of the Year.

Happy New Year!

Getting kids ready part two - First day jitter fixers

Last week I had some talented teachers give you the lowdown on preparing your kids to ease back into the school year. And you're grateful, I know. ;-) But whether your kiddo is bouncing off the walls with excitement to go back or facing you down with a pouty lip, saying, "I'm not feeling well," you know the first day of school can be high on the anxiety charts for even the most fluttery social butterfly.

Well, after cornering my usual posse of moms, as well as digging around in my friends' childhoods (at least, I think they're still my friends after frequent interrogations!), I've got a few suggestions for making the very first day of school a winner.

1. Talk to me. That's right, talking makes the world go 'round (not money, in case you were confused). Nothing's better than reminding your kids how much fun they had last year, how much fun they'll have this year, and bringing up any special times that will have them thinking: "This school thing--it's not so bad."

2. How do you do? Most schools have an open house or similar event to give your children the chance to be introduced to their teacher and classroom before the first day. A familiar face goes a long way to reducing social anxiety, so don't skip this.

3. The more the merrier. Why can't the first day be a special event? Maybe coordinate with a best friend's parent so your child can arrive at school with a buddy. Two's company!

4. Make a note. Be that crazy mom or dad who puts a note in the backpack or lunchbox. Get creative and go beyond the sweet "Love ya," and write about your favorite summer memory or why you think your kid is so awesome. Boosting confidence or reminding your children how much they mean to you makes the world a more manageable place for them.

5. Talk to me - again. And when they get home...listen. Ask questions that demand more than a "yes" or "no" answer, and look for the emotions under the words. With a little patience, even the most reluctant child may eventually spill the beans about anything that bothered him or her. I mean, I still call my momma after a challenging day. At any age, a hug and words of encouragement are priceless.

Free summer learning - Keeping the kids sharp (and entertained) through library programs

Every few months I teach a creative writing workshop for teenagers through the Metropolitan Library System. Whether it's a one-day workshop or a six-week long course, I always find that the kids and I spend a great deal of time laughing and talking about one of our favorite subjects--you know, books. Oh yeah, and we do some writing too.

I feel blessed to be part of a library system that works so hard to provide quality programming for all ages, with a special emphasis on children's learning and development. I am also a member of several official and unofficial "Moms" groups, and many of us with preschoolers enjoy the opportunity, especially during the week, to get the kids out of the house, away from Dora the Explorer, and in a stimulating environment. It doesn't hurt that other parents are there. Mommies and daddies need playdates too!

I talked to Amy Thomas, Children's Librarian at Edmond Library, about what the library  seeks to do with these programs. Here's what she said:

"We look for programs that will educate and encourage curiosity, creativity, and lifelong learning.  We hope to introduce children to new information, a new experience, a new style of music, or new art form that they may not have encountered before."

Thomas also mentioned that the possibilities for programs "are as limitless as the creativity in our community.  There are so many talented people out there who, thankfully, are willing to share their gifts and knowledge with our children." 

For example, here are just a few of  the fun things coming up at the Edmond Library in July and August:

Preschool Story Time (Mondays)

Mother Goose on the Loose (Tuesdays & Wednesdays)

Summer Movie: Magic Schoolbus: Bugs, Bugs, Bugs! (July 30)

The Magic Archeologist (July 16)

Pajamatime (Thursdays)

Yu-Gi-Oh! Tournament (second Saturday of each month)


And that's just the beginning (check out more here). Other nearby libraries, such as Belle Isle and Northwest, have a great activity lineup as well.

"I can tell the library staff really tries to find programs that will entertain the kids and get them coming to the library over the summer," said Terra Snavely, Edmond mom of three. She adds that she especially likes the summer arts programs that many of the branches offer.

Of course, the library has its reasons for these programs. "We want the library to become a place that is familiar and comfortable for children and their families, someplace they will return to over and over again throughout their lives," said Thomas about whether they hoped the programs would stimulate a child's interest in the library.

Well, its hard to argue with that. Seems like something most parents might be on board with.

So here's to learning...and reading...and taking advantage of a place that has even more to offer than books.

 

At Mother's Day Out programs, everyone wins

This is a very exciting time of year!

And it’s not because of the promise of warmer weather, St. Patty’s day parties, or aisles and aisles of Easter candy at your local grocery store. No, the end of February is exciting for another reason altogether.

It’s time to register those little ones for a Mother's Day Out program.

Let me explain. I love spending time with my kids. Yes, they are crazy little people with a special ability to drive me crazy, but I just love the heck out of ‘em.  But the fact of the matter is, they suck the productivity right out of me.

As a part-time worker from home and a full-time mommy, I can’t accomplish much of anything when my kiddos are at the house.  Even if I didn’t have any paid work to complete, I would still struggle to get the house clean, run errands, and schedule doctors’ appointments (oh, and retain a small amount of my sanity), without a small break.

Enter the Mother's Day Out program, of which there are many in this area (see list here). These school-like programs are short (about four to five hours a day), and a child can be enrolled anywhere from one to five days a week. Unlike daycare, MDO programs have fixed drop-off and pick-up times, much like a formal preschool, as well as a set curriculum and a calendar that reflects the school year.  Some accept students as young as three months, and most programs go up to four years of age.

Why is this good for me? Well, I can complete my work without worrying about someone waking up from naptime, and I can manage to keep the house marginally clean without my baby chewing on electrical cords while I accomplish my tasks. Best of all, I can run errands without the toddler bringing me a toy every two minutes, saying, “Mommy, I need this.”

But that’s not the only reason I endorse these programs. In fact, this year I’ve had my baby at home, so my productivity has suffered as I dedicate a good portion of my toddler’s MDO day to playing things like "peek-a-boo" with the baby. But the value of the program is not diminished.

Becky Scharf, director of Stepping Stones MDO in Edmond, says it best.  MDO programs teach children “to get along with other children, the value of sharing, and a sense of independence while venturing out on their own for a few hours a day.” In addition, she explains the programs are excellent for jumpstarting a child’s education.

All I can say is, I’m sold. So I’ll be getting the kiddos all signed up, ready for another year of meaningful fun and a chance for me to take a breath and say: “Everything will get done.”

 

It takes one to know to know one – Saving your sanity through parenting groups

It’s hard being a parent. There are days when the crying/whining/yelling is enough to drive you to crazy land. And in that moment, when you start threatening your kids with early bedtimes, no dessert, or a Wii-free week, it’s all you can do to not lock yourself in the bathroom and sing “We’re Not Gonna Take It,” at the top of your lungs.

Guess what? You’re not alone.

I don’t know why I’m always surprised to discover that other parents’ kids drive them just as nuts. We love our kids fiercely, but potty training is the devil, temper tantrums are frequent, and problems with sharing (from birth to the teen years!) are par for the course. If I didn’t take the time to connect with other parents, I wouldn’t know how similar my experience is to everyone else’s. And I’ll tell you what, realizing I’m not suffering alone is really, really, really great.

In fact, many mental health professionals endorse the process of building friendships with other parents. I talked to Carla McAuliffe, a licensed professional counselor for Edmond Family Counseling, and she told me parenting groups are helpful because “They can give parents a gauge on what is normal behavior in children and teens.”

So, in an attempt to show you how quickly you can connect with other parents, I’ll even offer some possibilities to help you get started (see links here).

Online – Of course, you must be careful out there in cyberland, but sites like Meetup.com have a variety of groups for every kind of parent, from stroller joggers to uptown shoppers!

Your friendly neighborhood church – Whether it’s Sunday school for parents, an evening Bible study, or a moms-only group, many churches in the area, both large and small, offer opportunities for parents to connect.

Neighborhood facebook, workout classes, workplace lunches, etc. – Sometimes, the best way to meet parents like you is to find ones with similar geography, hobbies, or careers. Often, if you want to form a group of parents who can lean on one another, you have to initiate it. But you’d be surprised at the positive response—I promise.

So go forth and make friends. Yes, I may sound like your mom on your first day of kindergarten, but that’s because she knew what she was talking about.

As C.S. Lewis said, “Friendship is born at that moment when one person says to another: ‘What! You too? I thought I was the only one.’”

Links to Local Parenting Groups

Crossings Community Church MOM's Group

Edmond Mothers of Multiples

First Presbyterian Church of Edmond (MOPS - Moms of Preschoolers)

Meetup.com

Moms Club of Edmond - East

Moms Club of Edmond - West

Parents Helping Parents

See Mommy Run - Edmond, OK


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