I used to be pretty awesome at taking care of myself. My hair was cut on a regular basis, I shopped frequently to have the right "look," and when I needed a girls' night, I gosh darn put one of those things together.
You know the next line in my story: "And then I had kids..."
I will give you Oklahoma girls some credit. When I show up to the elementary school, I very often appear as though I just stepped out of a wind tunnel and/or got dressed in the dark. On the other hand, perfectly coifed moms, headed to the office or not, surround me, and I shrink into my fluorescent tennis shoes and chant in my head, "Don't see me. Don't see me."
But my rushed mornings aside, I realize that, as a parent, many of us can get caught up in letting ourselves fade into the background. This doesn't just mean style alludes our neglected wardrobes, but also that our spirits and bodies get sacrificed on the alter of supreme parenthood. And it is so cool that we're so dedicated. Yes, patting myself on the back right now. But keeping with the theme for this month, I want to ask this: does neglecting yourself necessarily make you the best parent?
The verdict of the experts has been a resounding "no." In this blog series, we've already talked about relaxation and physical activity as items that are essential to a good parent's toolbox. But what about going that extra step? What about pampering yourself, just every so often? And if you did that, what would it look like?
Here are a few examples:
Hobbies: I enjoy running, and I'll admit it's easier to fit in than other hobbies. My other hobby is playing the piano, but it always seems to get pushed to the back of my schedule. Some of you may enjoy a round of golf, or maybe even joining a hobbyist group, like one that focuses on a craft. It's important for our children to see us making time to do things that relax us (beyond zoning out in front of the television). Why? Because monkey see, monkey do.
Personal time: One thing my husband and I enjoy is the quiet time we have between putting the kids down and going to bed ourselves. That time can be used for just about anything (I try to stay away from social media during that period, which can sometimes up my anxiety levels). Whether you like journaling, reading, or doing devotions, it's important to find a time of day that is uniquely yours. If you don't currently have that, see where it might naturally fit in your schedule.
Support: Whether it's a Bible study group or the aforementioned group of hobbyists, meeting with others outside your family to pursue similar interests can be refreshing. Whether this is a weekly meet up, or you simply put together a girls or boys' night out, socialization with other parents is its own form of pampering yourself.
Shopping: This is one you have to take in stride. Mismanaging money or overspending can certainly lead to more stress, so make sure you know your limit before you head out to shop. But treating yourself every once in a while to a new piece of clothing or long-awaited electronic device reminds you and your family that all that hard-earned money doesn't just go to those kiddos (and it's good for them to realize that too).
Lookin' and feelin' good: A day at the spa? A massage? Maybe it's not an every week type of thing, (or maybe not even every month), but every once is a while, it's good to have someone take care of you, even if that's just spending thirty minutes getting a haircut.
Because what it comes down to is this: taking care of yourself is not selfish. It shows your kids that you value yourself, and that gives them a model for valuing themselves. Obviously, we have to balance the behavior of taking care of ourselves with other behaviors that show we care about others, but neglecting yourself doesn't have to be the name of the parenting game.
Well, that wraps up our series on taking a "parent time out." Next month we head into local fall activities that will get you in the spirit of the autumn season. So stay tuned!
Thursday, September 25, 2014
Thursday, September 18, 2014
It's time for a parent time out - Taking a moment for better health
Once upon a time, I was a running freak. I could zap five miles before you blinked away the sleep at 6:30 a.m. People thought I was crazy. I was crazy. And then on my lunch break, I would go do conditioning exercises in the fitness gym at the office.
And I was like, "Why don't other people work out? I can fit this in."
Well, I'd like to tell my formerly clueless self that some people have children. Some people have to make sure that lunches, homework, permission slips, various payments, and a boatload of other things are ready to go every morning. Some people have to make sure that little ones have eaten, look decent, brushed their teeth, gone potty, and made the bed (eh, maybe, maybe not on that last one). Some people have teachers' conferences, sports activities, school events, and things to volunteer for.
Yeah, it's not practical fitting mega workouts in as a parent. And now I know.
But here's the thing. Keeping yourself healthy is still important, especially for parents. Kelli Crockett, Health and Wellness Director at the Mitch ParkYMCA, says parents who take care of themselves have the opportunity to be there for their kids longer just by being healthy. In fact, she gave several tips for taking time for yourself and fitting in that physical activity. Here's the highlights:
Find a workout place that caters to those with kiddos. Health centers and gyms are keeping up with our busy society. Many provide childwatch areas now, so parents with younger children can fit in a quick workout without hiring a babysitter or switching off. The Mitch Park YMCA has some other options as well, including a Y-cade (video game exercise equipment) for 7 to 13 year-olds and the opportunity to workout with your teenager.
Make it a habit. "Incorporate activity into your every day," encourages Crockett. Many parents find that doing some physical activity to start their day is the best option, but there are plenty of other choices. The thing is being consistent with your workouts, so it's important to find something you like and that you can stick with. Sometimes getting to the gym can be difficult with long work hours, so invest in your health with an elliptical or treadmill, where you can stay at the house and still get in a workout. Or maybe get a group of moms or dads together two or three times a week to run or bike. The more seamless you can make the workout with your day, the better chance you'll have of sticking with it.
Recruit the kiddos, if necessary. Finally, Crockett emphasized that if you can't get away from the kids for a workout, never fear. Choose to be active when you're with your kids. If you're at the park, get off the smart phone and play with your kids, kicking or throwing a ball or even playing tag. At home, turn off the TV and turn on some booty-shaking music. Throw a mini dance party (I highly recommend Madagascar's "Move It, Move It" song). Maybe it seems silly. Then again, not only will you benefit, but those kids will reap the awards too.
So, I hope I've encouraged you to ditch the couch potato that reclines inside all of us! Next week, we head into something everyone will love - making time to pamper yourself!
And I was like, "Why don't other people work out? I can fit this in."
Well, I'd like to tell my formerly clueless self that some people have children. Some people have to make sure that lunches, homework, permission slips, various payments, and a boatload of other things are ready to go every morning. Some people have to make sure that little ones have eaten, look decent, brushed their teeth, gone potty, and made the bed (eh, maybe, maybe not on that last one). Some people have teachers' conferences, sports activities, school events, and things to volunteer for.
Yeah, it's not practical fitting mega workouts in as a parent. And now I know.
But here's the thing. Keeping yourself healthy is still important, especially for parents. Kelli Crockett, Health and Wellness Director at the Mitch ParkYMCA, says parents who take care of themselves have the opportunity to be there for their kids longer just by being healthy. In fact, she gave several tips for taking time for yourself and fitting in that physical activity. Here's the highlights:
Find a workout place that caters to those with kiddos. Health centers and gyms are keeping up with our busy society. Many provide childwatch areas now, so parents with younger children can fit in a quick workout without hiring a babysitter or switching off. The Mitch Park YMCA has some other options as well, including a Y-cade (video game exercise equipment) for 7 to 13 year-olds and the opportunity to workout with your teenager.
Make it a habit. "Incorporate activity into your every day," encourages Crockett. Many parents find that doing some physical activity to start their day is the best option, but there are plenty of other choices. The thing is being consistent with your workouts, so it's important to find something you like and that you can stick with. Sometimes getting to the gym can be difficult with long work hours, so invest in your health with an elliptical or treadmill, where you can stay at the house and still get in a workout. Or maybe get a group of moms or dads together two or three times a week to run or bike. The more seamless you can make the workout with your day, the better chance you'll have of sticking with it.
Recruit the kiddos, if necessary. Finally, Crockett emphasized that if you can't get away from the kids for a workout, never fear. Choose to be active when you're with your kids. If you're at the park, get off the smart phone and play with your kids, kicking or throwing a ball or even playing tag. At home, turn off the TV and turn on some booty-shaking music. Throw a mini dance party (I highly recommend Madagascar's "Move It, Move It" song). Maybe it seems silly. Then again, not only will you benefit, but those kids will reap the awards too.
So, I hope I've encouraged you to ditch the couch potato that reclines inside all of us! Next week, we head into something everyone will love - making time to pamper yourself!
Thursday, September 11, 2014
It's time for a parent time out - Achieving a state of relaxation
A Chinese proverb states: "Tension is who you think you should be. Relaxation is who you are."
As parents, the term relaxation is one that conjures up sandy beaches, aroma therapy candles, and Pina Coladas. Or maybe, for you, a hike in the woods, a trip to the movies, or the hands of a paid professional (otherwise known as massage therapy) is more to your Zen liking.
But you're a parent! Who has time for that stuff?
Well, get ready to give yourself a time out. Why? According to Sheila Stinnett, a licensed professional counselor at Edmond Family Counseling, parents who take time for themselves, even just a little each day, are less frustrated and less reactive. What does that mean? It means those of us who aren't frazzled can respond more positively to a situation. And in the long (and short) run, that's a good thing for our kiddos.
For instance, today is the anniversary of a pretty traumatic event for our country, upping the stress and frustration levels long before we step out that door. How can you take time today - or any day - to get yourself back to a place where you can be the parent you want to be?
Stinnett asserts that even the smallest thing--such as sitting in your car and listening to a favorite song, daily journaling or blogging, or even a quick bath, can help recharge us. And scheduled activities, such as group activities like Bible studies or exercise classes, can ensure we make a commitment to get some time to ourselves.
Katy Jones, from Edmond's Yoga Verve studio, agrees, saying, "Anything that gives a parent time for themselves is good for the psyche - whether it's visiting my studio, going for a walk, playing the guitar, etc. As long as they have time to decompress in the way they feel best, I'm for it." She tells me that yoga in particular "allows you to let go of outside stressors and be in the moment, which takes a lot of work. The focus on the breath combined with movement keeps the brain fixed on one thing and lets the practitioner be present in the here and now."
Well, I'm certainly listening, especially since I realized that last week, when I stuck work in every portion of my day where my kids were either at school or sleeping, I started to get a little snappy. And that's a good lesson for all of us that we can't go, go, go all the time. Exercise. Read a good book. Take some time to smell those proverbial roses. Because at the end of the day, you want to be a great parent, and as we all know, everyone needs a timeout every once in a while!
And stay tuned next week for more on the parent's time out, as we continue to chat about the importance of exercise!
As parents, the term relaxation is one that conjures up sandy beaches, aroma therapy candles, and Pina Coladas. Or maybe, for you, a hike in the woods, a trip to the movies, or the hands of a paid professional (otherwise known as massage therapy) is more to your Zen liking.
But you're a parent! Who has time for that stuff?
Well, get ready to give yourself a time out. Why? According to Sheila Stinnett, a licensed professional counselor at Edmond Family Counseling, parents who take time for themselves, even just a little each day, are less frustrated and less reactive. What does that mean? It means those of us who aren't frazzled can respond more positively to a situation. And in the long (and short) run, that's a good thing for our kiddos.
For instance, today is the anniversary of a pretty traumatic event for our country, upping the stress and frustration levels long before we step out that door. How can you take time today - or any day - to get yourself back to a place where you can be the parent you want to be?
Stinnett asserts that even the smallest thing--such as sitting in your car and listening to a favorite song, daily journaling or blogging, or even a quick bath, can help recharge us. And scheduled activities, such as group activities like Bible studies or exercise classes, can ensure we make a commitment to get some time to ourselves.
Katy Jones, from Edmond's Yoga Verve studio, agrees, saying, "Anything that gives a parent time for themselves is good for the psyche - whether it's visiting my studio, going for a walk, playing the guitar, etc. As long as they have time to decompress in the way they feel best, I'm for it." She tells me that yoga in particular "allows you to let go of outside stressors and be in the moment, which takes a lot of work. The focus on the breath combined with movement keeps the brain fixed on one thing and lets the practitioner be present in the here and now."
Well, I'm certainly listening, especially since I realized that last week, when I stuck work in every portion of my day where my kids were either at school or sleeping, I started to get a little snappy. And that's a good lesson for all of us that we can't go, go, go all the time. Exercise. Read a good book. Take some time to smell those proverbial roses. Because at the end of the day, you want to be a great parent, and as we all know, everyone needs a timeout every once in a while!
And stay tuned next week for more on the parent's time out, as we continue to chat about the importance of exercise!
Thursday, September 4, 2014
It's time for a time out - A parent's guide to staying sane
If you've read any of the Mom Around Town blogs or Community Connections columns, you know one thing by now: I love my kiddos. Yeah, I joke around quite a bit and tell you silly things that prove I'm totally an overwhelmed parent. But at the end of the day - I mean, seriously, at the very end of it, every night - I'm in my kids' rooms, checking on them and whispering, "I can't imagine my life without you."
However...I can imagine several minutes away from them.
We live in a busy, busy culture. In a world of dual-incomes, insane extra-curricular schedules, and geez-I've-got-to-be-awesome-so-I'd-better-volunteer-my-rear-off society, parents don't really have time to sit on a picnic blanket and consider the universe. Once the kiddos make their appearance, it is GO time, and it leaves most of us gasping for breath.
Enter the parents' time out.
You want to be a great parent, right? You even read my whole blog series on perfectly imperfect parenting, yeah? You know if you work hard enough, you'll earn those "Best Mom" and "Best Dad" mugs your children give you (if your kids give you something else, don't worry; it just means you raised someone with a different outlook on life).
But one thing that's important to staying sane - kids or no kids - is taking some "me" time. And believe me, I know it feels weird to be what you might consider selfish, or maybe you simply don't feel there is even a second you could take for yourself. But listen: if you don't take care of yourself, you're not doing your kids any favors.
However, don't take my word for it. As always, I'd like to emphasize that I write about parenting, but I'm no expert. Instead, I find people who are experts in their field, and we all learn together.
So, get ready for a month filled with me-time.
September 11 - This is still a stressful day for most of us - sad and frustrating. It's a good time to talk about how we can take time to relax our bodies and renew our minds, focusing on activities that will positively affect our spirits (and the way we treat those kiddos!).
September 18 - Exercise! Now, now...don't groan when I'm talking to you. We are going to get down and sweaty about why it's important to stay fit and work up those endorphins!
September 25 - Let's talk about what it means to treat yourself! Are you being selfish if you head out to the spa for the day? How can you balance the time you need to recharge with family time, and what should that ratio look like? Let's discuss!
So I hope you're as excited as I am to get down to the nitty gritty on this topic. Besides, the holidays are right around the corner, and it's time to get serious about getting recharged.
However...I can imagine several minutes away from them.
We live in a busy, busy culture. In a world of dual-incomes, insane extra-curricular schedules, and geez-I've-got-to-be-awesome-so-I'd-better-volunteer-my-rear-off society, parents don't really have time to sit on a picnic blanket and consider the universe. Once the kiddos make their appearance, it is GO time, and it leaves most of us gasping for breath.
Enter the parents' time out.
You want to be a great parent, right? You even read my whole blog series on perfectly imperfect parenting, yeah? You know if you work hard enough, you'll earn those "Best Mom" and "Best Dad" mugs your children give you (if your kids give you something else, don't worry; it just means you raised someone with a different outlook on life).
But one thing that's important to staying sane - kids or no kids - is taking some "me" time. And believe me, I know it feels weird to be what you might consider selfish, or maybe you simply don't feel there is even a second you could take for yourself. But listen: if you don't take care of yourself, you're not doing your kids any favors.
However, don't take my word for it. As always, I'd like to emphasize that I write about parenting, but I'm no expert. Instead, I find people who are experts in their field, and we all learn together.
So, get ready for a month filled with me-time.
September 11 - This is still a stressful day for most of us - sad and frustrating. It's a good time to talk about how we can take time to relax our bodies and renew our minds, focusing on activities that will positively affect our spirits (and the way we treat those kiddos!).
September 18 - Exercise! Now, now...don't groan when I'm talking to you. We are going to get down and sweaty about why it's important to stay fit and work up those endorphins!
September 25 - Let's talk about what it means to treat yourself! Are you being selfish if you head out to the spa for the day? How can you balance the time you need to recharge with family time, and what should that ratio look like? Let's discuss!
So I hope you're as excited as I am to get down to the nitty gritty on this topic. Besides, the holidays are right around the corner, and it's time to get serious about getting recharged.
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