From the mouths of parents...playdate peeves

This month I'm taking on the high interest/somewhat emotional topic of kids behaving badly at other people's homes. I surveyed over twenty parents concerning playdate, birthday party, and sleepover behavior and really wasn't all that surprised by what got tempers ticking!

Here's the list of the top four pet peeves at playdates...

1. Parents ignoring bad behavior. Hosting parents were frustrated not so much by the bad behavior itself (hey, every kid is going to have a nuclear meltdown at some point!) as much as they were irritated by a parent overlooking a child's bad behavior. And this goes for all ages of children. One mom said her pet peeve is when a mom "lets her child, who is younger than my child, just take a toy from mine because her child is younger, without correcting the child to share and ask for a turn." Moral of the story? It's never too early to teach proper behavior, or to call your child out if he or she isn't using good manners. 

2. Disrespecting property. Parents mentioned that disrespecting the host family's property (or even pets) was a big problem. One mom wrote on her survey, "My biggest pet peeve is having a child over that is a little more 'wild' than others, and the parent doesn't pay attention to what that child is doing or how that child is treating other children. Then I am stuck feeling like I have to watch the child the entire time instead of socializing with the other parents." And that's not fun for anyone.

3. Improper manners. Calling a mom only by her first name. Not asking permission to enter closed-off rooms. Forgetting to say "please" or "thank you." These were all things that did not impress parents. Simple manners make big impressions, so don't overlook teaching your children how to show the respect that other adults (and kids) deserve.

4. Neglecting to help pick up. "It's easy to let your kids play up until the last minute when you need to leave and there is no time for cleaning up, but people will be much more willing to host again if their house isn't in shambles when the party leaves!" one mom claimed. And she wasn't alone. Most parents agreed that guests who helped picked up would be more welcome to come over again.

So, in an effort to help you (and me) avoid becoming persona non grata at playdates, I located a very helpful article on Carolina Parent that dealt with common playdate behavior problems. The best part of the article is its list of books that can help prepare a child for a playdate, as well as their list of the top social skills for those ages 2 through 5. These include the following:

- Introductions
- Sharing
- Cleaning up
- Saying "Please" and "Thank you"

 I quickly drew a line from these social skills to the frustrations mentioned by the parents in my survey.The article also urged parents to help kids practice these manners at home. See more here.

At the end of the day, I think it's important to remember two things. First of all, manners are not only for the benefit of the person you visit, but manners are also something your child will need to lead a successful life. Second, our children's manners are an extension of our own consideration for other people, so if you don't care how your child treats other people or their property, it unfortunately shows the same carelessness in you.

And a little goes a long way. Parents mentioned time and again that it was just a single good behavior that shaped their impression of a child. Good manners leaves a good feeling, and that leads to a gathering where everyone wins!