From the mouths of parents...Vistor vexations

This month, we've been tackling the emotional issue of manners. Why emotional? Well, when you're treated rudely--by a kid or a parent--it makes you mad. When your kid is rude, it makes you embarrassed (okay, and maybe a little mad, too). And when we're rude, well, sometimes we never even get to the point of realizing our faux pas until it's too late.

So far, we've discussed playdate and birthday party etiquette. A yawnfest? Not if the parents on my non-scientific survey were any indication. This issue really gets the tempers churning, so listen up as we take on the final topic.

Overnight stays.

Do you remember your first sleepover? I do. I was four, I had the dingiest white bunny with golden wings named "Angel Bunny," and my sleeping bag was Rainbow Bright. It was fun. I missed my mommy. I had a great time. I was ready to go home. End of story.

I have no idea how I acted, but I do know my mom's always been big on the manners. So here's a list of things a parent might think about before sending that kiddo anywhere overnight, whether it be Grandma's house or a sleepover party.

Set the tone...If you are dropping your children off, go over your ground rules for behavior before they ever step into someone else's home. This includes reminding them of good manners (don't go exploring on their own, say "please" and "thank you," and listen to what the other parent has to say). Tell them that rules are different at different houses, but that being loud, destructive, or disrespectful will keep them from enjoying this opportunity again. If you're the one hosting, go over the rules with your child before guests arrive and again after the party animals are present. So what if the kids think you're "not fun." What you are ensuring is that everyone will have fun.

Be responsible...If you are dropping off your child, make certain to leave an emergency number and any specific instructions (food allergies, anyone?). If your child does need some special consideration, a phone call before the sleepover may make more of an impression. If you are hosting, put a list of phone numbers together as soon as possible, so as to keep you from scrambling in an emergency situation!

Expect a little fun...Kids are going to eat junk at sleepovers. It's anticipated. It's expected. They are not going to sleep well (and they certainly aren't going to go to bed on time). Deal with it. It's part of the process. And then have a little fun!

Pick up...Last but certainly not least, this seemed to be a big deal to most of the parents. Remind your children to help pick up toys, dishes, whatever. Tell them they will likely be a welcome guest if they do so and it's a way of thanking the party host. Worse come to worse, you can bribe them. I know. I've just lost my parenting gold star for the day by suggesting that, but at the risk of leaving a bad taste in the host's mouth, tell your kid you will reward him or her for good behavior.

Finally, for a great sleepover survival guide, click here. Otherwise, go forth and visit. Just remember, repeat performances are only requested if the first one was good.

From the mouths of parents...playdate peeves

This month I'm taking on the high interest/somewhat emotional topic of kids behaving badly at other people's homes. I surveyed over twenty parents concerning playdate, birthday party, and sleepover behavior and really wasn't all that surprised by what got tempers ticking!

Here's the list of the top four pet peeves at playdates...

1. Parents ignoring bad behavior. Hosting parents were frustrated not so much by the bad behavior itself (hey, every kid is going to have a nuclear meltdown at some point!) as much as they were irritated by a parent overlooking a child's bad behavior. And this goes for all ages of children. One mom said her pet peeve is when a mom "lets her child, who is younger than my child, just take a toy from mine because her child is younger, without correcting the child to share and ask for a turn." Moral of the story? It's never too early to teach proper behavior, or to call your child out if he or she isn't using good manners. 

2. Disrespecting property. Parents mentioned that disrespecting the host family's property (or even pets) was a big problem. One mom wrote on her survey, "My biggest pet peeve is having a child over that is a little more 'wild' than others, and the parent doesn't pay attention to what that child is doing or how that child is treating other children. Then I am stuck feeling like I have to watch the child the entire time instead of socializing with the other parents." And that's not fun for anyone.

3. Improper manners. Calling a mom only by her first name. Not asking permission to enter closed-off rooms. Forgetting to say "please" or "thank you." These were all things that did not impress parents. Simple manners make big impressions, so don't overlook teaching your children how to show the respect that other adults (and kids) deserve.

4. Neglecting to help pick up. "It's easy to let your kids play up until the last minute when you need to leave and there is no time for cleaning up, but people will be much more willing to host again if their house isn't in shambles when the party leaves!" one mom claimed. And she wasn't alone. Most parents agreed that guests who helped picked up would be more welcome to come over again.

So, in an effort to help you (and me) avoid becoming persona non grata at playdates, I located a very helpful article on Carolina Parent that dealt with common playdate behavior problems. The best part of the article is its list of books that can help prepare a child for a playdate, as well as their list of the top social skills for those ages 2 through 5. These include the following:

- Introductions
- Sharing
- Cleaning up
- Saying "Please" and "Thank you"

 I quickly drew a line from these social skills to the frustrations mentioned by the parents in my survey.The article also urged parents to help kids practice these manners at home. See more here.

At the end of the day, I think it's important to remember two things. First of all, manners are not only for the benefit of the person you visit, but manners are also something your child will need to lead a successful life. Second, our children's manners are an extension of our own consideration for other people, so if you don't care how your child treats other people or their property, it unfortunately shows the same carelessness in you.

And a little goes a long way. Parents mentioned time and again that it was just a single good behavior that shaped their impression of a child. Good manners leaves a good feeling, and that leads to a gathering where everyone wins!

Playdates, sleepovers, and parties, oh my! Cue summer... and some manners!

Cue summer! Time for pool parties and impromptu sleepovers, preschool playdates and summer travel. During this time of year, you're likely to spend more time than ever relaxing with friends and family, which means your kiddos will either be in hand or off enjoying their own socialization.

And that brings me to...manners...and parents' worst pet peeves with visitors.

Groan. Moan. I know, I know. But I bet you're more interested in this subject than you pretend! In fact, the moment I said manners, I bet those eyeballs perked right up, wondering if your pet peeve made the list, and whether your kids measure up.

Well, let's get started.

For the month of June, I'll be tackling three problem areas that parents have identified, where bad behavior turns fun events into nightmares. I've surveyed over twenty parents to get feedback, with the promise of keeping the complaints anonymous (guess those moms and dads have some good manners...or maybe we just don't want to seem snarky!).

Here's what we'll be discussing...

Playdate Peeves...If you're a mom or dad of a young child, you know that generally, if you schedule it, they will come. But here's the thing. Whether you're inviting one or two families over, or an entire moms' group, chances are just one badly behaved kid can make or break the experience. The biggest complaint? Parents who don't keep that parental "eye" out to call out their kid if he or she is misbehaving. For more on this, check back June 12.

Party Frustrations...Surely you have recently attended or thrown a party for a child under ten. Kids in the first decade of life are not known for quiet conduct. And that's understandable. But put a little cake, juice, and the promise of new toys in the mix, and kids can get downright rowdy. On June 19, we'll discuss proper party manners for your kids, whether it's a party you're attending with them or not. Because, you don't want your kid to be the talk of the party. Not until college at least!

Visitor Vexations...And finally, the sleepover. Whether it's at Grandma's or the house of the most popular kid at school, before you ever send those kiddos with suitcases--anywhere--it's best to go over some ground rules and identify with the adult in charge anything that could become an issue at night. And the last thing you want is for your kid to be digging through someone else's refrigerator or master bedroom at 2 a.m. Respecting private space was the thing parents mentioned to me as critical to enjoying anyone's visit.  Stay tuned for more June 26.

So let's get ready to get down and dirty. Because if those kids shape up their behavior and throw out some "please" and "thank you's," there's a good chance people will be talking about you and your children behind your back...in the nicest way possible.

Food allergy recipe sites...best of the web

To finish off this month's exploration of handling your child's food allergies, I'm giving you a list of some of the top recipe sites for allergen-free cooking and baking. While all the parents I've spoken to over the past month have discussed the challenges of helping their children stay away from foods that are dangerous for them, not one complained about the work it took to protect their kiddos. So, in an effort to assist even further, here are some resources. There are many, many helpful sites, but I tried to pinpoint those that offered more than just a handful of recipes...

For a variety of food allergies...

Allergic Living Allergy Safe Recipes - This site has a large index of recipes covering every meal and occasion. It also offers information about food allergies and blogs that discuss common questions. You can also subscribe to the magazine.

Living Without - This site highlights living without gluten (wheat), but offers recipes that address multiple food allergies. It is also a magazine.

Kids With Food Allergies - This site allows you to select which allergen to avoid while searching for recipes, which is a nifty little feature!

Peanut-free (and nut-free) recipes...

PeanutAllergy.com Nut-Free Recipes

Food.com Nut-Free Recipes

Huffington Post Nut-Free Recipes


Milk-free recipes...

Allrecipes.com Dairy-Free Recipes

Go Dairy Free

Food.com Lactose-Free Recipes


Gluten-free recipes...

Simply Gluten-Free

National Foundation for Celiac Awareness Seasonal Recipes

Gluten-Free Goddess Recipes

Food.com Gluten-Free Recipes


Egg-free recipes...

Allrecipes.com Egg-Free Recipes

Elana's Pantry

Food.com Egg-Free Recipes


Always happy to add more, so please comment if you've found a similarly helpful site!